One Night Stands – The Comprehensive Guide

Coitus, knocking boots, getting laid, boning. Whatever you call it, when you go without getting any for any length of time, you start to feel it. Snapping at friends? Getting annoyed by inconsequential things? Spending forty-five minutes re-arranging your spice cupboard? Sound familiar? You need to get laid, pronto.

When was the last time you got some? And more importantly, does that question stress you out, and make you feel strangely inadequate and unattractive? Because if it does, it’s high time you got yourself back on that horse and headed out.

Here’s our comprehensive guide to making it happen, regardless of your circumstance, gender, location, whatever. Anybody can have a one night stand.

Before You Head Out

Confidence is Quintessential for Everyone

Before you even leave the house, there’s one really essential thing absolutely everyone needs to develop. For some of us, confidence isn’t a problem, but for many, it can be a major stumbling block.

There’s really no getting around it. If you want to meet someone, be that a one night stand, new friends, or work colleagues, if you want them to find you hot, respect and quickly warm to you, you need confidence.

For a lot of us, that’s a concept that sends shudders down our spine. You might find yourself whining ‘do we have to?’, and even wondering if, whether in our dating app-centric world confidence is even necessary. Let me set you straight. You do have to build confidence, and it is absolutely necessary, even nowadays.

Why? Because the world is lying to you about how easy it is to get laid. Now, don’t get me wrong, going out and meeting someone, and casually heading back to theirs can be the easiest, flowing experience in the world. However, it only gets that way through confidence, feeling relatively comfortable, and learning social skills. Fortunately, all that can come to you relatively easily if you force yourself through some awkward, non-comfort-zone situations.

The fact is, as a singleton nowadays, we’re told all over the net, in adverts next to porn, by various dating sites, that all you have to do is click this, or sign up for that, and hey presto, you’ll find yourself in someone’s bed within the next three to five working days. It doesn’t work like that.

If you want to be able to head out into your nearest town and meet someone gorgeous who you’ll ultimately be having a fun sleepover with later that evening, you need to start by just going out socially. A lot. Become comfortable in restaurants, bars and cliché date or chat-up environments, and make them your own. Don’t become a barfly sleaze, but do get used to the environment.

Ten Tricks to Cultivate Confidence

If you regularly commit to doing at least a couple of these, you’ll see yourself flourish, and become the person you really are in public, and the opposite sex will react to that. It’s genuine, it’s unapologetic and it’s hot.

1. Fake it Till You Make It

There is literally no better advice. Act confident and brave and I guarantee that to all appearances, you will be confident and brave. Give it a couple of hours of behaving like that, and you won’t be able to tell whether or not you’re acting comfortable, confident and brave, or simply are those things now.

2. Smile a Lot

Not just when you’re on dates. Not just when you’re working. All the time. If you’re one of the unlucky majority of people who suffer from Resting Bitch Face (RBF), you’ll know the struggle. For both men and women, it can suck to have your neutral face look anything but neutral, and it can really be a roadblock when it comes to breaking the ice with anyone.

Try making yourself smile, nod at and greet strangers in the street. Sure, some people might find it a little weird, but others will appreciate the warmth, and reciprocate hugely. Once you’ve forced yourself to smile at someone, and they’ve beamed back, you’re going to feel ten times happier and warmer.

3. Go it Alone

Now the prerequisite to this stays safe. Always make sure you’re absolutely safe, and have a contingency plan, at least enough money for a taxi, maybe friends nearby, whatever. However, a scary warning to one side, heading out to bars on your own can be the quickest and most ‘baptism-by-fire’ way to force some confidence out of yourself. There’s no better way to make yourself feel comfortable in a busy bar than going it alone. If you’re always with friends, you’ll come to rely on them as a bit of a comfort blanket, and that quickly becomes limiting.

4. Be Yourself, Unapologetically

Are you weird? Obsessed with a band? Really, really into Star Wars? That’s okay! Everyone finds passion and interest appealing because it’s the carbon opposite of boring. Sure, if you find yourself endlessly chatting to women about Lord of the Rings, it’s never going to happen for you, but if someone asks you what you’re into, and you mention you own the complete trilogy on Blu-Ray, and prefer the directors cuts, all without a hint of irony or shame, people will warm to your eccentricities and reveal their own. Always own your idiosyncrasies.

5. Change What You Need To, Accept What You Can’t

Okay, this might seem contradictory, but in order to build confidence, it can be helpful to chip away at the things holding you back. Are you self-conscious about your teeth? See a dentist. Can’t afford a dentist? Look at how bad David Bowie’s, David Beckham’s or Tom Cruise’s teeth were. It never stopped them for a second. Make moves to change things you hate, but balance that with accepting as much of the rest of you as you can.

6. Leave Your Comfort Zone

Obviously. You absolutely have to spend as much time outside of your comfort zone as you can. Whether that’s amateur dramatics, a cooking class, or just endless nights out, get it done, and get out there.

7. Keep it Regular

In order to maintain and build your confidence, you can’t just do it for a couple months and leave it; you have to keep at it. That means habitually pushing yourself and keeping at it. It gets easier, trust me.

8. Force Yourself

Don’t accept excuses from yourself. If you want to eventually be able to comfortably head out, meet people, and casually get laid, you need to force yourself. Saying you’re too tired, or just not feeling it is not an excuse.  

9. Don’t Rely on Booze or Anything Else

Have fun, get drunk, but don’t rely on booze. Once you start relying on booze to have a good time, you’ll struggle without it, which means all your hard-won confidence is going to be next to useless if you meet someone special early in the evening when you’re still mostly sober, or worse, in the daytime.

10. Keep At It

The single most important thing to do is simple: keep at it. Accept that it takes a while, accept that there are setbacks, but keep going and appreciate the progress when you see it.

How to Meet Someone

So how do you actually go about meeting someone when you’re out and about? Just stumble up to someone in a bar? Offer to buy women drinks? Dated chat up lines? Truthfully, there’s never going to be any special way. Ever. It’s all just about doing what comes naturally to you, what you can pull off, and make seem hot and endearing. For almost everyone, that’s warm confidence, and being genuine.

That means that awkward as it seems, when it comes to meeting someone on a night out, all it really comes down to is wandering over and talking to them. There’s really not much else to it. If you’re confident, friendly, witty and comfortable, that’ll help, but that’s not something you can pre-plan, so for now, just strive to be the you that you are around friends.

An Obvious Way to Avoid Being a Sleaze and Still Get Laid

One of the biggest problems for women on a night out can be sleazy, gross dudes pushing way too hard, and coming off as utterly desperate, and worse, creepy. This is not good for anyone. It leaves women feeling unsafe, and it leaves the guy being ignored by virtually every woman in the club and feeling like a bit of a try-hard failure.

One trick that can work well for almost any guy, or girl (pretty sure most girls know to do this automatically) is simply befriending people. Stop heading around in clubs trying to jump straight into people’s beds, and just cultivate a genuine interest in people. Everyone can tell when someone wants just one thing, and it’s utterly lame, so be interested in more than just sex.

Sure, that’s easy enough to say, but it’s also pretty easy to do. Stop making sex the ultimate goal of every night out, and it will inevitably happen. When it comes to a romance of almost any kind, it always happens when you stop trying to force it, so when you’re out and about, stop trying to chat women up, and just be interested and friendly, and maybe a little aloof too!

Nine Tricks to Improve Your Chances on a Night Out

1. Dress Well

This is kind of a given really. You need to dress fairly sharp, be clean, styled and generally look a little put together. This is especially true if you’re not particularly conventionally attractive. Make sure you’re wearing things that fit well, and have some kind of hairstyle going on, too.

2. Work Out a Little

Traditionally, women like strong men, and men like women in good shape. That’s kind of just how it is. If you hit the gym regularly, or simply drop and do twenty push-ups before going out, you’ll look better, and more importantly, feel more attractive.

3. Be Happy

You know what’s really hot, and charismatic? People who are happy in their own company. There’s nothing more attractive than happy easy-going people, especially considering the fact you really have to be Brad Pitt to pull off that angry smouldering thing.

4. Smell Good

Smell is important in romance, it plays a big part for both men and women when it comes to attraction, so it’s important that you smell good. That means a nice aftershave or perfume.

5. No Desperation

Desperation is not attractive. Ever. It’s obvious, gross and utterly uncharismatic, and if you allow it to, it will ruin your chances of getting laid completely. Relax, have fun and stop trying so hard.

6. Unique Flattery

People like flattery a lot. Everyone enjoys having a compliment thrown their way. Having said that, if you’re talking to someone who is a standout in some way, for instance, a really tall or muscular guy, or a gorgeous woman with a great figure, complimenting them on that obvious stand-out feature is going to be ultimately meaningless. Sure, it’s nice to hear, but if it’s the third time you’ve heard it that night, will it have any impact at all?

Instead of obvious compliments, tell the tall guy he’s got great dress sense. Tell the beautiful girl she dances really well. You don’t want to be just another obvious flatterer, you want to be the guy/girl they go home with. 

7. No Expectations

This is the single biggest way you can improve your chances on a night out. Just like the way that impromptu nights out tend to be much better than thoroughly planned out ones, going out expecting to have a great time, or get laid, isn’t going to result in anything positive.

What you need to do instead is drop the expectations, and simply have a great time. Chat to all-sorts of people, not just attractive people you want to take to bed. Show an interest, show warmth, make people feel comfortable, and forget about getting laid. It’ll happen. 

8. Stand Straight and Proud

Posture might seem a little obvious, but it has way more of a bearing on your success than you might imagine. Whether you’re a man or a woman, the way you carry yourself has a huge bearing on the way you’re perceived.

Striding into a bar like you own the place might make you look a bit of an arrogant dick, but it’s always better to be the arrogant dick people notice, than the hands-in-pockets, slouched wallflower.

9. Get Used to Rejection

This might seem a little negative, but the fact is, unless you’re going for people well beneath you, you’re going to have to get used to rejection. If you’re finding it too easy to get laid, you’re not exactly punching above your weight. Get used to people looking at you like you’re mental, blanking you, or telling you outright to go away. It’s going to suck, but it’s worth it when you meet someone worthwhile. Just push through the rejections, and even learn to have a laugh at yourself. If you can smile in the face of some girl being aloof when you say hi, or some guy ignoring you, then you’ll be stronger and better for it.

10. Be Funny

Everyone like laughing. No one out there has ever said ‘I don’t like people who make me laugh’. People who are funny are very endearing. If you’re not naturally all that funny, it’s time to start watching and listening to stand-up and comedy podcasts. Maybe even take an improv or stand-up class? That’ll boost your confidence.

Now you’re About to Get Down to it…

 So it’s all worked out, you’ve found yourself back at this absolutely gorgeous guy or girls place, and you’re building up to the act itself. One thing I should have probably mentioned already is that you absolutely don’t want to be hammered.

If you’re a girl that can lead to you simply falling asleep before you get to do anything fun, and if you’re a guy it can lead to the dreaded brewer’s droop. Which means all this has been for nothing. Don’t let that be the case, and ease up on the social anxiety drinking.

Even though it’s all gone so great up to this point, you’ve still got plenty of chances to go wrong and screw this up. Here are six things that can ruin an otherwise perfect one night stand.

1. Use a Condom

Let’s not be dumb, guys. Unless you want to get a virtual stranger pregnant, or end up with an STD, wear a condom. Girls, tell him he has to, or no sex for him. It’s easily the worst and most depressing point at which to fail on your quest to get laid, so make sure you’ve got some condoms around for when you get lucky.

2. Don’t Try to Arrange a Second Date

Don’t spoil the evening by repeatedly trying to arrange a second date. Seriously, just focus on your connection and what’s happening right now, and you’ll enjoy it far more, and won’t feel insulted when the other person slinks off into the night. Hey, at least you’ll have gotten laid.

3. Talking About Exes

What’s sexier than someone who won’t shut up about their ex? Literally anything. Even if you’ve just broken up with someone, and this is you getting back out there, do not talk about your ex. Just don’t do it. It’s lame, it’s annoying and it leads nowhere. 

4. Having to be Quiet at the Parents House

I know, I know, sometimes you really don’t have much of a choice, you have to head back to the parents’ house. But that really isn’t great. Having to be super-quiet and sneak out in the morning sucks. Avoid at all costs.

5. Weird Dirty Talk

Dirty talk can be a great way to keep the vibe going all the way to the bedroom. Unfortunately, it can also form some pretty major red flags if you’re revealing unusual kinks, or are simply struggling with it. If you’re struggling, and the other person is insistent, just let them lead, and don’t force it.

6. Clean Your Place

Yeah, nobody likes having sex on a pile of dirty laundry or having to put up with that weird cheesy-sweaty smell common to so many boys bedrooms. Don’t let your dirty room stop you getting laid. Come on.

While all that seems a lot to remember, once you’re actually in bed together, providing you’ve got even the vaguest idea of where everything goes, are really into one another, and aren’t so drunk your fine motor control is gone, you’re going to be absolutely fine, and have a great time.

The Morning After

So it’s all gone amazingly well, you’ve done it, met someone you thought at the time was gorgeous, either taken them home or gone to theirs and done the deed. Good job. Now what? Don’t sneak out.

But that’s what they do in the movies!! No. You’re not in the movies. You’re not James Bond or some femme fatale, you’re a real adult human, so show some respect and say goodbye, even if you don’t want to see them again. If they’re at your place, offer breakfast and a shower. Let’s be mature, people.

While you’re all hungover and emotionally vulnerable, it’s important to do a few things. Eat, drink water and don’t focus on all the insane, embarrassing and outright shameful things you probably did last night. Sure, it’s 2018, and everyone can have as much sex as they like, but that doesn’t make it any easier on your hungover mind. Also, don’t forget to take the morning after pill if you’re not already on something, or forgot to use a condom. Let’s not commemorate this one night stand with a surprise STD, or worse, a pregnancy.