Getting over a recent break-up and getting back in the adult dating game can be exceedingly daunting and stressful. Here are a few tips to help you out.
The very first thing to bear in mind as someone coming out of a long-term relationship is confidence. Even if you were the one who ended the relationship, long-term relationships can wreak havoc with our previously stellar skills with the opposite sex.
You get used to fixed menu sex, where there’s very little invention or discovery, and if it’s a particularly long relationship, maybe you even let yourself go a little, physically. None of that leads to massive feelings of confidence when you come out of the relationship.
Everyone knows that the rebound one-night stand is hugely important when it comes to getting past a recent break-up. View it as a palette-cleanser, something to put some distance between you and your ex. No one wants to hear that the last time you got laid was with your girlfriend of three years.
It can also be a great way to start feeling attractive and wanted again, but if you were previously god’s gift, and now you’re shy and introverted, you’re going to have to keep at it a bit, but you’ll get there.
The first sexual encounter is important to get through, and you should prioritise getting laid in the weeks after a break-up. Might not seem terribly sensitive, but it needs to be done.
Whatever you do, don’t chat about your ex all the time either. Everyone hates that, it’s really draining, absolutely miserable and utterly pointless for all involved.
Once you’ve knocked one out of the park, and managed to get laid, then it’s time to work on repeating the experience, but being a little bit more choosy, and maybe a little bit more adventurous. Go for girls or guys that you thought were out of your league, and experiment with fetishes. Try a threesome. Don’t go too crazy though.
Feeling competent in the bedroom can be hugely helpful when it comes to building that all-important confidence.
In essence, confidence can be built on elements like material and career success, physical attractiveness or sexual prowess, but in reality, you just need some current victories to help buoy you back up, and getting laid is ideal. Giving yourself a chance to feel attractive and wanted again is a big thing.
If there’s one thing that’s going to objectively set you back, and keep you from meeting the actual person of your dreams, it’s habitually jumping back into bed with your ex. That doesn’t help anyone. You both remain hung-up on each other, while wanting more, and it just takes much longer to get over the whole thing.
One of the best things about breaking up with someone is that it gives you a very real chance to either reinvent yourself or simply go back to behaving the way you used to before they told you to cut back on the drinking or whatever. It can be fun, but don’t go too far off the rails!
Get to the gym, start eating healthy, start dating like a maniac, maybe even go for a gay fling. Just experiment, and play around with things a bit. It’s the best way to find your feet again quickly.
Going on a massive health kick can be a really great way to start feeling really strong, slim and attractive again. You’re giving yourself agency over your body, and agency and control are huge things to win back.
If you’ve always been curious, maybe change your dating settings and try going on a date with a member of the same sex, it could prove an interesting experience.
Getting some new threads, and dressing sharp is always going to be a great way to feel attractive and confident. When we’re in relationships, we fall into patterns of laziness when it comes to appearance. Time to break that cycle completely.
Look After Number One
At the end of the day, all you really need to be doing when coming out of a long-term relationship is looking after number one. Learn to take care of yourself, and do things for your benefit only, instead of for other people. It’s not selfish, it’s self-care, and after a break-up, everyone needs to do it just to reset, even if they ended the relationship.