Generally, when it comes to adult dating online, the standard trajectory is this; messaging, texting, dating. The first and most important step is to get them away from the dating site.
Why’s this? Because on a dating site, even if you’re the prettiest, sexiest individual on the planet, you’re just one option on a lengthy menu of attractive people.
That means get their number and get texting. Chances are, you’re going to be one of a smaller number texting them, and that means you’ve got a greater chance of taking them to bed. It’s not always a numbers game, but it helps to have numbers on your side.
When it comes to both men and women, there’s one thing everybody finds totally off-putting. Once you sense it on someone, their value in your eyes drops straight through the floor. What I’m talking about is, of course, desperation.
It’s the ugliest thing in the world. It tells people that you’re not happy in your own company, that you NEED them, and that you’re not getting enough attention in general.
So stop being pushy when you’re chatting to a potential date or lover over text. It makes people suspicious and puts them off wanting to meet you. You need to be attentive and flirty, regularly suggesting what you want from them, but you need to toe the line, avoiding coming off as desperate.
The single most important thing when it comes to getting someone you’ve met online to meet you in real life is putting them at ease. You need them to know you’re absolutely not a creep, and that you’re already a friend that’s looking for more. People will not meet up with you if you come off as creepy, threatening or strange.
So be friendly, be self-deprecating. Have pictures of you in groups of friends to show you’re not a loner psycho. At the end of the day though, if someone’s too skittish and concerned about this kind of thing, and you’re making every effort to convince them you’re not a crazy person, you should just give up on them. Who knows, maybe they’ll come back around.
While you want to keep someone you’re texting completely at ease and keep the mood light and flirty, you absolutely don’t want to divulge too much information about you over text.
If you tell someone your complete life story, dreams, plans, favourite colour all over text, what on earth are you going to bond over in person? There’s a reason actual conversation is much better for connecting than text, and that’s because it lets you properly bond with the other person, with no smartphones distancing you.
Don’t manipulate people. But if they’re sharp with you, if they respond badly to your advances, and treat you badly, or if they’re rude, high-road them. Every single time. Never descend to their level. Always maintain the moral high-ground, you’ll feel better, and they’ll sometimes come crawling back grovelling. Which is always super gratifying.
Don’t beat around the bush. The friend-zone isn’t a real thing, but what is a very real thing is people not making their goals and desires from another person clear. If you’re not flirty or suggestive and making it clear that you want them in your bed, this instant, how are they meant to know?
Are they meant to simply guess that you fancy them? Don’t let amazing experiences go by because you’re too high and mighty, or shy, to flirt and show interest properly. Don’t be too unsubtle though, that’s lame.
Never, ever, ever be cringe-worthy. No one wants your cliché poetry as a fourth text message. No one wants you to spout romantic idioms and phrases at them in the first few weeks of communication. Even jokingly, it can come off as super-desperate, lame and worse than that, false.
If you’re talking about falling in love with someone you’ve not even met yet, which a surprising number of men and women actually do, then you’ve already messed up horribly. Don’t do it again in future, okay?
Finally, the most important point. Make it clear you want to see someone, flirt with them, avoid cringe-worthy romance, and put them at ease. Do all that, and ask them out. It’s as simple as that.
“Let me show you my favourite cocktail place on Friday after work”
Say it like they’re never going to say no, and if you’ve done everything else right, chances are, you’re going on a date, my friend.