Affairs and dating get a bad rap, but there’s a few ways they can actually make you a better lover and partner. Here’s how that is.
When it comes to being competent in the bedroom, it’s all about prior sexual exploration. It’s about knowing yourself as much as any misguided ideas about techniques. Sure, there’s some basic knowledge to be learnt when it comes to sex, but really what it’s about is connection, passion and engagement. Without that, amazing sex becomes boring, meaningless functional sex.
What you really need to know is what you enjoy. What gets you going and keeps you in the moment, and that takes sexual experiences and exploration. That’s what affairs can give you.
Sometimes we meet someone special we want to stay with for a long time way before we’ve had a chance to properly discover our own sexuality, and that quickly becomes limiting for us. Of course, you can be amazing in the sack without much experience, but those prodigies are few and far between.
Being an amazing lover isn’t about technique. It’s not about atmosphere, or sex talk. It’s not even about appearances or fitness. It’s about confidence. Confidence in your own desirability, confidence in what you want to do to the other person, confidence and comfort in your own sexuality.
No one enjoys being kissed flinchingly and timidly. It’s not erotic to always have to turn the lights off because you hate the way you look from certain angles. It’s about being brazen and unafraid, and trusting in your own innate human instinct to be able to do this.
Sounds strange, doesn’t it? But cheating can and does save marriages. By allowing couples to stay together functionally through low points in their relationship, you can preserve and save a struggling relationship.
You can come out of the other side of an affair with a renewed affection for your other half, having seen how things would be if you were dating anybody else. We all enjoy tasting that passion again, but dating has its downsides next to a long-term relationship.
In that, an affair can effectively rekindle a relationship, giving things just the shake-up that they need to allow the two of you to truly notice each other again. This return to your previous relationship, this renewal and fresh strength, can help you return to being the lover you were in the first passionate months of your relationship.
It’s a hard thing to talk about, but marriages and relationships where you still love the other person, but things have become stale and resentful are incredibly damaging. All it takes is that inevitable progression from honeymoon period, to less sex, to feeling unwanted, and feeling resentful and wanting to have sex even less. This kills eroticism, excitement and affection, which isn’t good for the relationship, but it especially isn’t good for you.
That loss of sex and affection can often leave you questioning your own value and attractiveness, especially if you’re in one of those relationships where you’ve pushed a lot of the rest of your life to one side. That isolation and doubt can be very damaging, especially if it’s going on for a while.
What it really takes is breaking the cycle. Destroying that chain of no sex, resentment, more no sex, and viewing your partner afresh. A chance to explore your own sexuality again, and rediscover your allure and ability. Then come back to your partner empowered and recharged, ready to challenge the stagnant status quo.
A lot of the time, people have this misconception regarding affairs that they’re this vast, all-encompassing romance, equal part ground-breaking passion and fiery lust, and shady, secretive stress.
They don’t have to be either of those things, if you know what you’re doing. At the core, what most people really want is casual, relaxed no-strings-attached fun. Something that’s easy to walk away from, and that’s what it can be.
In a lot of senses, affairs can really help us to achieve our true potential as both a lover and a partner. They can help us discover our most erotic sides, and help us see our partner in the light that we used to. Or they can just be a couple of great shags, it’s really up to you.