Adult Dating can be difficult, stressful, disheartening and scary. But it can also be fun, exhilarating and exciting. It’s all about the way in which you approach it and deal with the various factors and facets of it. Use your weaknesses to your advantage, and make hilarious self-deprecating jokes about things you’re self-conscious about. Humour and self-awareness, to a degree, is always going to be attractive.
There’s no reason why literally anyone, with a little forethought and imagination can’t get out there with a beautiful and intelligent member of the opposite sex and take them home. You just need to dodge some of these absolutely epic faux pas.
Smell is Crucial
People who smell strange or unpleasant don’t get laid very often. I’m sorry, someone had to say it! Smell is hugely important when it comes to the attraction and romantic elements of meeting and getting to know someone, and if you smell odd, that’s going to be a very clear signal to them that you have bad hygiene, or simply aren’t bothered enough about your date to even take a shower.
Take a shower, wear decent clothes, brush your teeth, and wash your hair. Nice make-up. Appearance is undeniably important, so do whatever you can to boost it, but make sure you don’t go to too much trouble, because no date is worth worrying that much about.
An hours prep at the very most, and you’re fine. Any more is overkill, and you’re overcompensating for some other issue.
While dressing good, smelling good and looking good are all vital parts of attraction, vanity is still deeply uncharismatic, and off-putting. If you’re on a date with someone and they’re constantly wanting to take selfies, or looking at their own reflection, what does that say about them?
Shallow, appearance-obsessed, even dumb. Vanity has some dire connotations, so you need to avoid coming off as overly-concerned about your looks. Worse, fishing for compliments and things like that demonstrate low self-esteem and other problems.
Before you go out, check out how you look and put a little effort in. Once you’re out there, you couldn’t care less about how you look.
The single worst mistake anyone can make on a date is trying to be slick, charming and aloof, and not being themselves. Anytime you’re pretending to be something you’re not, you’re putting up a massive barrier to real connection between you and your date.
If you’re shy, make a few jokes about how shy you are. If you’re feeling rough and tired, make light of that. Humanise yourself, and expose how you’re feeling right now, because admitting things, being honest and being yourself are all the most attractive things people can do, especially if they’re being funny while they’re at it.
Ignore chat-up lines, don’t try to be slick and aloof, be honest, present and light-hearted. If you’re willing to be relaxed, honest and cheery, everything else will be much easier and smoother, and you’ll never have that crippling worry: are they interested in me, or the person I pretended to be?
Don’t be too self-deprecating though. Sure, self-deprecating humour and being able to laugh at yourself is good, but after a while, it makes people uncomfortable. They begin to wonder; why is this person habitually deprecating themselves in front of me? Do they have worrying self-esteem problems? Keep it balanced, and don’t go overboard.
One of the worst ways you can go badly wrong is by simply being a little bit miserable. Who wants to hang out with anyone in the grip of a depression? Worse, who wants a relationship with someone who’s miserable?
This is one of the few instances where being a little false can help. If you force yourself to cheer up, smile and be interested, they’ll respond and reciprocate, and you’ll create a positive feedback loop where instead of you being miserable and them being bored, you’ll build up a repertoire, and you can even make jokes about being nervous and miserable before, but now they’ve really put you at ease. They’ll like that.
The very best thing anyone can be is funny, so if you’re not exactly the wittiest person in the world, it’s time to start listening to more comedy, reading more and generally sharpening up that wit and comic timing.
What do stereotypically attractive women like to hear? That they’re attractive? Nice eyes, hair, figure? No. They’ve heard that a billion times before, and while they might smile and say thanks, as a compliment, it slides off them like water on a ducks back, making zero impact. Don’t tell a beautiful woman she’s beautiful, don’t tell a tall bloke he’s tall. They know. You are saying nothing new.
Instead, pay close attention, and compliment things that they won’t expect you to notice. If they’re a really good listener, go vulnerable, and say how amazing it feels to be properly listened to, and that they’re an amazing person to talk to. If they’re a little bit protective, tell them they make you feel safe.
Whatever you say, it has to be genuine and true, and it cannot be generic in any way. It needs to be real, bespoke and relevant. Perhaps even showing a bit of vulnerability.
Why bother with this? Because it’s utterly charming and charismatic. It shows someone you’re paying close attention to them, and that you’re the polar opposite of that drabbest of drab, the habitual sleazy compliment giver.
Sadly, for almost everyone in the world, rejection is a big part of dating. Whether that’s failing to secure the second date, or simply being denied the phone number, when it comes to dealing with rejection, you’ve got to bear a couple of things in mind.
One of the single biggest factors in determining whether or not you end up sleeping with or in a relationship with someone is simple timing. There are times when people are much more likely to get into a relationship, and times when they categorically won’t. This, and more other factors, are outside your control, so don’t let it bother you. One night stand, illicit encounters, or a quiet rendevous in thre local pub follow our rules for success.