The fact is, the difference between bad sex and good sex can sometimes be a very fine line. All it takes is too much of one thing, and too little of another, and suddenly, only one of you is having fun. Or even worse, neither of you are.
The solution? An open dialogue! Always! Tell guys what you want and need from them, and to their credit, a lot of guys would be glad of the useful new information. Everyone wants to be a better lover, and who wants to bang people that are content to be terrible in bed?
Let’s face it, arrogance, self-assuredness and cockiness can be attractive in either gender, but the fact is, it rarely leads to a receptive lover. Hopefully, they’ll be great in the sack, but if they’re not, chances are they’re going to be less than open to self-evaluation or change.
Don’t waste your time trying to explain anything to them, and keep this fling neatly on a one night only basis. Maybe in future try guys that are a little more open to new ideas.
Maybe he’s not all that sexually experienced, maybe he’s never been with anyone willing to properly explain anything to him before, but either way, he’s pretty insecure and shy when it comes to sex. That doesn’t mean you’re free to say whatever you’re feeling about his abilities in bed, you’ll end up doing more harm than good.
You should approach the insecure guy with an almost managerial level of tact. I’m talking the compliment-criticism sandwich. Say something nice and genuine, say your criticism and finish on something nice. Don’t be false and don’t baby them, just make sure that you’re giving their ego chance to take the hit. This is how you’d want to be told something that you’re very sensitive about.
Ugh, who would want to date a bloke who wouldn’t even reciprocate oral sex? It’s a pretty depressing proposition for most modern women who know what they want from sex, but a lot of the time when a man’s adverse to going down on you, it’s not stemming from this deep pool of selfishness. It can be about uncertainty and lack of confidence too. Oral sex can be super intimidating (of course, there are lazy guys out there who aren’t interested in your pleasure, see the bit on arrogant guys).
A lot of men would really appreciate a relaxed and open dialogue and explanation about how to, why and when to go down on their lady. Make it a bit of a project between the two of you, and have a laugh, but whilst still keeping it sexy and maintaining the right dynamic. This can be super rewarding for both of you.
Sometimes you go to bed with someone, and it just clicks. They get what you want, and they deliver, and they keep the whole act neatly within the mood of the evening, never straying away from what you both want. Then you get other occasions when he really fancies an hour and a half of slow, gentle lovemaking, while you’re dead set on a rough fifteen minutes. That disparity is no fun at all.
You need to, through sexy lips-next-to-their-ear suggestion, set the mood and tone. Tell them what you want them to do to them, and how you want them to do it. This serves multiple purposes; it’s really hot, and it also puts you both on the same page. Even if he’s still a little into slower, gentler sex, while you want a solid headboard-smashing-the-wall session, there’ll likely be something of a compromise that leaves you both satisfied.
We Brits aren’t really renowned for our abilities when it comes to dirty talk, in all fairness, but that’s no reason not to try and communicate during. Strike the right tone, whether that’s humorous, deadly serious, intense or laid back, and break through the barrier of awkward silence that can potentially ruin an otherwise amazing night.
This isn’t even something you need to explain to a guy, it’s just something you need to do, and if he isn’t getting it, then maybe have a chat with him. It’s not hard, just let them know that talking while going at it really diffuses the situation and makes it more enjoyable for you and probably him.
Picture the scene, you’re a few months into your relationship with a guy, and the sex was amazing, but more and more, you’re feeling like its being taken for granted. Earlier on, both of you would make a very conscious effort to seduce and jump on the other, but as you’ve become more and more used to each other, that seduction has ended, and sex is just expected.
This is an awkward phase between the honeymoon period and the rest of your relationship. It can signal a shift from insane passionate sex into duller, more loving intercourse. But you can challenge it and be aware of it as a couple too.
Just let him know that you need him to make more of an effort sometimes, but in return, when you’re in the mood, you’ll make loads of effort to get him going to too. Neither of you is going to be anywhere near as keen as you were at first, but with a little conscious effort, you can still have just as much fun.
Slight change of tone here, but a lot of men don’t seem to realise that just because a woman has slept with them, it doesn’t mean that it’s the beginning of their next long-term relationship. Women need casual sex at different times, just like guys, and they enjoy it just as much. Just because you made her come twice doesn’t mean she’s in love with you now. Let them know, but maybe not too harshly.